The Singapore Stories (#SoGv2 - 65).

The Singapore Stories (SoGv2 - 65)


As I write this, I am in Singapore. I am here to pitch my book, The Nidhi Kapoor Story at a film festival. Book, at a film festival? Well, they have this newfound thing where they adapt books into content for TV and Cinema. You know, Sacred Games?

The pitch was, well, pathetic.

Thankfully, I did not really have the jitters that I had last time around when I was on the stage for the ICICI Bank project.

This time, my delivery was ok. I made a good enough deck that communicated the story well (please do let me know if you want to see my presentation). But my content (what I spoke) sucked. I moved around so much that people had a tough time tracking where I was. I need to start using a podium from the next time around. I mean I had so much to say and tell that I did not know how to structure it. I could not build a compelling case. I could clearly see one of the jury members yawning away to glory. Which is ok and not ok. After all, I tried. And I failed. And rather than crying about it, I have taken my lessons and I will improve the next time I am supposed to be on the stage. So that's that.

Apart from the pitch, the overall experience at the festival was humbling, to say the least.
I realized how limited I am in my vision and with my work. More than that, I realized yet again that outside the four walls of my home, I don't matter. I need to get out a lot more often at places that make me uncomfortable. The aversion for parties and public places, I need to get away from it. I need to find an acceptable middle ground (between chappal and shoes; and between shorts and pants).

Again, it does not matter if you matter. What matters is that with this awareness of mattering and not mattering, how do you adapt yourself and take the next actions. For me, for example, I know that I need to have access to capital to be able to go anywhere close to where I want to be. And what I do for a living gives me very little chance to have access to large amounts of capital. Something that I need to change about myself.

In fact, I think all of us must do something that makes us realize our limitations. We ought to be out there and expose ourselves. That's when you would come out of the shell. This is similar to what AS told me a few days ago - why do you care about disappointing people? Do your best and if you fuck up, you fuck up. Move on. And once you stop caring about what people think of you and you start taking actions with that awareness, something amazing will probably come out of it.

You know, you need to do things that leave you vulnerable. I am lucky to have a very public life (you know, my blog, these letters, thousands of tweets and all those interactions that I love to have with people). I don't really hide anything from anyone, I don't have any filters. I don't mask myself. There are days where I feel great and there are days when I feel shitty. But overall, I am pretty authentic, very open.

I am how I am.

And as a result, I get a lot of feedback - from people kind and not-so-kind.
And the feedback is also often kind and not so kind.
And so while I continue to aim for the Everest, I remain grounded. Each interaction is an opportunity to learn more. To change a bit about myself that allows me to stretch my limits as an individual. To what point, I don't know yet. Maybe I will discover someday. Or maybe I would not. But I continue to go on till then.

Anyhow! Let's talk about you.

What is your mechanism to bring you back to humility?
What takes you out of your comfort zone?
What do you do that makes you shit pants? Or shorts or whatever you wear?

Thanks for reading!
Hope you have a great weekend!
1023, Hotel Holiday Inn Express, Singapore
SoGv2-65 (1KWAD).

Yeah, been irregular with these :(

PS: You may say that I am being harsh on myself. But I sincerely have really big expectations from myself. And this combination of high expectations and harshness drives me. To go climb that mountain that always seems out of reach! If not the highest mountain, then what? And if not now, when?